thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
