I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
