I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
