I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
