how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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