well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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