Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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