worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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