Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
where am i from again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
