before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
