remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
