Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
