She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
