Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
