i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
