1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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