He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i love accidental penises.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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