Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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