What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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