I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
