Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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