ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
