Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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