nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
