he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
