and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
