i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
