You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
