Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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