I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
