Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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