you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
