im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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