I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
