I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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