A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no, he came in my armpit
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
