i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
