I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
