I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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