he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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