I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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