physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
