I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
