so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
