I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
