Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
