Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do vagina's smell?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
