The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
