I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
