when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
