Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
