I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
