Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
