so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
