So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
