i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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