Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
