On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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