I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
True strength comes from lack of pants
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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