Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
