Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
