Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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