It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
