Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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