just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
