so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
