I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
