so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
