I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
