too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
