Nicole vs. Life
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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