His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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