I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
