So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
