im drinking this country out of the recession.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
