2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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