she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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