Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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