oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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