hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
