also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
