I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
